Don't Get Vomit on my Handcuffs

I do not drink alcohol.  There are many reasons why.  The following is only one of those reasons.

I had another Saturday night on call shift last night.  Around 1:30 a.m. I got a call from another RA on the 14th floor.  She was calling to inform me that there was a girl on her floor passed out in the bathroom lying in her own vomit and that paramedics were on their way.  Sweet.  So I grabbed some shoes and headed upstairs.  When I got there all I could see where the girl's feet sticking out of the stall.  She had conveniently locked the stall door so we couldn't easily check on her.  Two options.  A) crawl under the door and get vomit all over me or B) climb up the stall door, straddle it, and unlock it with my toes risking falling and a head injury of my own.  I chose B because I don't like vomit.  Luckily I used to climb everything I possibly could as a child and have long toes so it wasn't that difficult.

After I got the door open and was about to see if she was conscious the university police officer showed up.  When he walked into the stall and started talking to her she came to.  Then she realized he was a cop and attempted an escape...by crawling into the other stall.  Which only served to further smear the vomit all over herself and the rest of the bathroom.  The cop was nice to her at first making sure she was okay but when he realized she was in no immediate danger and she became more difficult he stopped being nice.  There were a few residents in the hallway who had originally found her but no one knew who she was.  When she finally told us her name I asked the other RA to check our roster and I noticed that one of the residents disappeared for a few minutes.  Her name did not show up on the dorm roster so the cop kept asking her where she was from and where she lived.

Cop "Do you know where you are?  What building are you in?"
Girl "I think I'm in Alabama on the 5th floor"

He wasn't having much success when the resident who had disappeared showed back up.  By this time the paramedics and firemen were both there and the bathroom was getting crowded.  The resident looked at him and said, "She goes to Georgia.  It says so on Facebook".  This got a laugh from all the men.  The cop chuckled and said "Facebook is the best investigative tool."

So now we know that she isn't a student but we don't know how she got there.   We finally got the names of her friends and turns out their room is right down the hall.  I went to their room to check it out.  The door was wide open but there was no one to be found.  The paramedics cleared her and turned her over to the police.  Since no one was there to claim her he went ahead and arrested her.  She was not happy about being arrested and kept saying "Please don't this is, its so embarrassing."  To which the cop responded "I wouldn't be too worried about it.  Passed out in the bathroom floor in your own vomit was worse than this.  You better not get vomit on my handcuffs."  As we were taking th elevator ride downstairs with the cops I called the CD (Community Director) on call and reported the incident.  The girl thought I was talking to her friends and kept asking who it was and could she please talk to them. I had to tell her four times that no, I wasn't talking to anyone she knew.  After a little more investigative work (i.e. facebook stalking) we discovered that she is indeed a student at UGA and was from a town about 10 min away from Athens.  I'm sure her parents enjoyed the phone call informing them their daughter was arrested.  In Tuscaloosa, Alabama.  It all came full circle when we woke up this morning and saw her mugshot on the Tuscaloosa Jail website.  Wonder how long it took her friends to notice she wasn't there?  Wonder how her night in the drunk tank went with no shoes?  Hope that party was worth it.  Oh, and she's only 18.  As in she just turned 18 three weeks ago.  Happy Birthday!

Procrastination Post

Writing this blog helps me in many ways.  Its a safe place to tell stories about the residents.  Its a way for me to process and vent without my friends having to listen to me all the time.  And today its a great way to help me procrastinate.  I decided to go straight into graduate school after undgrad because I knew there was a good chance I'd never go back later.  I'm still happy with this decision but I think my brain is in revolt.  Its screaming "Enough with the learning already!!"  I'm slightly overwhelmed with how much I have to get done in the next three weeks so I'm taking a short breather to write this before jumping back into it.  I figured I'd catch up on what's been happening lately.

This past Saturday I had my first on-call day shift.  Day shifts are on Saturday and Sunday and last from 7 am-5pm.  That doesn't sound so bad right?  Well it just so happened that last Saturday was one of the prettiest days I've seen in months and I spent the entire day inside answering calls.  Letting walk of shamers back into their rooms, taking care of leaking showers, and orchestrating a rescue mission to retrieve someone's iphone from underneath a vending machine.  It wasn't my favorite day but it ended well!  Saturday was my mom's birthday as well and she and my dad and sister came down to go to the basketball game that night.  The game was super exciting and Trevor Releford set Tony Mitchell up for this amazing dunk!  We won the game and secured the win for the SEC West. ROLL TIDE.

My brother was in town for the weekend so I drove back up to my parents place Saturday night so we could all eat together Sunday for mom's birthday.  Anytime all five of us are together it gets pretty entertaining.  We all agree that we would make great reality television but disagree on what kind of show it would be.  I would love for my family to compete in a season of The Great American Road Trip if they bring it back.  I think we'd be good at challenges but we wouldn't be the "Good Answer! Good Answer!" family feud type of family.  If one of us screwed up the rest would let them know it.  And I'm not sure we'd all make it alive to the final destination if we had to live together in an RV.  So maybe no Road Trip for us.  Anyway, speaking of family ours just got a little bigger!

My baby cousin Juliana was born Monday!  I only have one first cousin so the fact that he and his wife had a baby is super exciting.  We haven't had any babies in the family for a long time and I'm super excited to have one to love and play with...and then return at the end of the day.  I only got to see her for a minute up close and then had to come back down to school to finish all that work I mentioned earlier...ok so I better wrap this up and quit procrastinating.  Here's the only picture I have of her right now.  Its a little blurry and taken through the nursery window but cute nonetheless!

Oh! One last thing before I get back to work.  I've mentioned that the bathrooms here are community style.  Today I grabbed my shower caddy, went in search of a clean shower, and picked the one with the least hair in it. After showering I reached for my towel and realized I didn't bring it. No Bueno.  Luckily I had a robe with me but its not meant for drying off.  I had to pull it on soaking wet and drip all the way down the hall to my room.  Could have been worse though. Could have forgotten the towel and the robe.  I was prepared to grab some paper towels and cover up Adam and Eve style but luckily for my residents that wasn't the case.  That's it, time to work.  Have a happy weekend everyone!

P.S. I apologize for the over use of the word "super" in this blog. Its super annoying :)  I will not be so lazy in my use of adjectives next time, promise.

Peace ho! The Ugg Boot Army Speaks!

For my non Shakespeare lovers that title is a take off of a line from Julius Caesar. The line is "Peace ho! Caesar speaks!" Okay, I know Casca wasn't telling a girl to shut up in slang because Caesar was about to talk but I still giggle when I read it.  Julius Caesar is one of my favorite Shakespearean plays and that's saying a lot considering the first time I read it was in 9th grade English when our teacher made us go around the room reading it aloud. Attention all English teachers:  If you are teaching Shakespeare in Alabama please do not have your students read it aloud. I love Alabama and I love my southern drawl but southern drawl + old English + students who don't care = a butchering of a masterpiece.  Anywho here are some more conversations I've overheard.  Most take place in the elevator.

Girl on the elevator talking on the phone:

"Yeah, I posted something about wanting to go to Bonaroo in my fb status so my mom would see it and buy me tickets. She said she wanted to go but I told her its not really a mother/daughter sort of event. She asked me how much tickets were and when I told her she said '$400! For a concert? I'd rather get some plastic surgery' "

2 girls on the elevator:
"I can't believe you kissed the bartender last night!"
"Yeah, its kind of my thing"

2 girls on the elevator:
"Who's your date tonight"
(She said something but I don't remember the name. Some generic 5th generation frat boy name.)
"Oh, I don't know him. I'm going to facebook stalk him to see if he's cute!"
"Don't bother. He's not."
"Oh, its one of THOSE dates"

Sidenote:  My February bulletin board won bulletin board of the month!  And even more importantly we're halfway through the month and it hasn't been torn down yet!   I think its because the picture of Hank Aaron is super cute!

My Bulletin Board

The cute pic of Hank I used

Speaking of Hank Aaron, SPRING TRAINING HAS STARTED!!!!!!  I wish I was in Orlando with my Braves instead of here with the residents. Le sigh. Oh well, I'll see them in April when the season starts!

Home is where the heart is.

Alright, this post is about to get super sappy so if you're only here for the stories of my colorful residents go ahead and stop reading now.  I drove home today for the weekend and as I sit in my bedroom after a night of hanging out with my family I've been thinking about how nice it is to come home.  To have a place to go to no matter what else is happening.  Aside from moving to college (both times) I have lived in the same house my entire life.  And while I associate my physical surroundings with my idea of home I'm really starting to understand that as cliché as it may sound "home is where the heart is."

Home is hugging your mom so tightly you think you both might pop.
Home is a kiss on the forehead from your dad as he asks if your car is holding up alright.
Home is hanging out with your brother and sister and not wishing you were with your friends instead.
Home is the familiar thumping of your dogs' tails as they greet you like you never left.
Home is dropping your bags, kicking off your shoes, and letting your hair down the minute you enter the door.
Home is a bundle of love, wrapped in a bear hug, sealed with a kiss, and bound by intertwining hearts.
Home is where the heart is.

I am so, so very lucky to have a home for my heart.  I believe that aside from God, my family is the sole reason for any success I have had in life be it big or small.  That's the main reason why I'm pursuing a career in social work.  I want to help as many children as possible find the home that I've been blessed to know.

 Ok, enough of this mushy stuff.  Here's some funny family pictures to lighten the mood...
http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/

Ghosts of Tequila Present

The dorm I'm working in has earned quite a reputation for the shenanigans that go on here during football season.  I've heard stories of other RAs finding girls passed out in the stairwells, showers, etc.  Parties that got out of control and so on.  The spring semester is usually a little more tame but I've been waiting for something to happen.  I've only had to investigate one wee morning hours scream so far.  Once I realized it was a happy scream and not a "Help someone's trying to kill me scream" I asked the girls to watch their volume and went back to bed.  Nothing major has really happened.  Until last night and I apparently slept through the entire thing...

I'm normally a very light sleeper so how did this happen?  Well my friend Cori came down for the weekend and then last night we went to another friend's house to watch the Super Bowl (GO PACKERS!).  I've never been allergic to any other dog but his.  So by the time we got back to the dorm last night my eyes were itchy, my nose was runny, and my throat was getting smaller by the minute.  I took some Benadryl and floated off to antihistamine heaven.  This morning when I woke up I commented on how it was nice to finally sleep so hard and for so long. (I have mini bouts with insomnia).  Then Cori told me how she couldn't believe I slept through all the screaming last night.  Screaming?  What screaming?  She explained how some girl had been screaming at the top of her lungs and beating on something, maybe a door. I had no recollection of this.  You see, Benadryl is my tequila and I have a habit of talking in my sleep.  Cori swears that I woke up when the screaming started and said "I should probably check on that seeing as how I'm and RA and all" and before she could finish saying "Are you going to go out there?" I was already comatose again.  Anyway, I had no recollection of this and quickly forgot about it because I was excited about something else...We were going to eat at our favorite restaurant, City Cafe, before she had to head home!  

I got my City fix, went about my day and started gathering supplies for a program the other 8th floor RA and I were putting on tonight.  While we were setting up she asked me the same question my friend had.

"Did you hear all the screaming and banging last night?" 

"No. What happened?"

Apparently when the screaming wouldn't stop she went to investigate to make sure no one was hurt or in danger.  She had trouble figuring out where the sound was coming from and then realized it was coming from a closet in the hallway.  The kind of closest that automatically locks from the outside when shut.  She opened the door and there was our very own screaming banshee.  Turns out she didn't even live here.  She was visiting some friends, had a little too much to drink, got lost, and couldn't remember where her friends' room was.  Mistook the closet for the room, closed the door behind her, locked herself  in, and started screaming.  The RA got her out of the closet, made sure she was okay, and helped her find her friends.  

I can't believe we had our first real incident of the semester and I "slept" through the entire thing.  I later asked Cori to describe the scream and she said "It sounded like a domestic violence call on Cops.  Except instead of yelling at her husband the woman was yelling at whoever Tammy *name changed* is and threatening her if she didn't open THIS *BLEEPING* DOOR RIGHT NOW!"  Oh well, I guess I'll have to wait on the next girl to get locked a closet.  

A Much Needed Weekend Away!

Dorm life was really starting to get to me last week.  I had been in the hall for two weeks straight and was starting to development a little twitch.  I don't know if it was the added stress of school work starting to pile up or what but my patience was beginning to wear thin.  The floor reached a new level of disgusting last weekend.  I don't know if I've said it before but we have an AMAZING cleaning staff.  Luckily my schedule lets me sleep in until they've been by in the morning and I always have a clean shower...Monday through Friday at least.  The cleaning staff doesn't come in on the weekends.  So by the time I got up on Sunday and headed to the shower all of the ones I normally use were filled with vomit.  Delicious.  So my friend (who came to visit for the weekend) and I wandered down the hall toting our shower essentials in search of puke free showers.  There was some silver lining to this experience.  We ended up in a bathroom I never use and discovered that the water pressure in this particular bathroom is 10x better than the one I normally use!  Frustrating experience but in the end beneficial.   

The following week was full of little frustrations like trash being left everywhere, drunken screaming at 3:00 a.m., and just all around rudeness.  During this time I was trying to put together a presentation that I had to give to housing employees on why I should be rehired in the Fall.  I had major writer's/creator's block and couldn't come up with a theme.  Can't imagine why it was so difficult to come up with reasons to ask them to let me do this again... Fortunately I came up with something at the last minute because regardless of the past week's annoyances I really do like this job.  

Needless to say when my mom phoned during that stressful week to ask if I wanted to go to Snow Mountain in Atlanta I said "ABSOLUTELY I DO!" And I'm so glad I did.  Outsiders looking in may think my family is a little crazy but we always have a good time.  I have gotten to where I intentionally do not put on mascara before a long car ride because I know I'm going to laugh so hard that I'll cry it all off before we reach our destination.  That was definitely the case this time.  Pops was already in Atlanta working this week so my mom, sister and I drove over Saturday morning to meet him.  On the way over we got to telling stories on each other and here come the tears.  If you're ever considering spending time with my family check your ego at the door.  Any and everyone is fair game.  We show our love by supporting each other but also and more often so by laughing at each other.  Hey, if you can't even take criticism from the ones you love then this world is going to be a hard place to live in.  And its not so bad, sure you're going to be the butt of the joke for a few minutes but it'll only remind you of something dumb someone else did and just like that the attention shifts and you're back to cracking on someone else. But don't be fooled by all the "meanness" we're the first to defend each other as well.  That's how we work and so far its kept us a pretty tight knit group.  

So all of that leads to me telling you that Dad bore the brunt of the jokes this weekend. Which is good because he probably handles it the best of us all.  After we got to Atlanta we met dad at the hotel, consolidated to one car and started out for a fun evening of snow tubing.   As we were pulling out of the parking lot the following conversation ensued...

Mom: "I don't have any cash and I need $10 to park."

Dad: "Don't worry I got you covered."

Sister: "Yo dad, you be stackin'?"

Dad: "Yeah, and I've got more waters and graham crackers in my car if anyone wants some!"

Me laughing hysterically: "No dad, she said 'stackin' not 'snackin'" 

Oh how I love my parents.  We ended up having a great time that night and then headed back to the hotel.  Since this was the first day in two weeks that I had been awake before 11:00 a.m. I was pretty exhausted when we got back.  I crawled in the bed and was asleep by 9:30!  The only problem with this was my body has gotten used to going to bed at 2:00ish and thought we were taking a nap.  So I snapped wide awake at 11:00.  Awesome. Now I'm up.  The street lamp is shining directly into our window and after 10 minutes of trying and failing to shut the curtains I give up and stare at the ceiling.  Turns out the curtains were really simple but that was only evident the next morning.  So I'm staring at the ceiling willing myself to go to sleep when I hear a familiar sound...a drunken girl giggling and laughing obnoxiously loud.  Seriously?  I drive all the way to Atlanta and I get stuck next to someone that might as well be one of my residents?  Lovely.  And now that I'm well rested from my "nap" I won't be sleeping for a while.  *Sigh* At least I'm back at my parents' house tonight.  The only person downstairs where its quiet, dark, and I have an amazing mattress that's actually large enough for me to roll over and not plummet to my death.  Or less dramatically and more likely a knot on my forehead.  So that's the plan for the rest of the night.  Wash my clothes for free, eat something I didn't pay for, and get some good sleep.  Then tomorrow I'm going back to school with a refreshed mind and better attitude towards the dorm.  Hope everyone has a wonderful week!  

Thus Says the Ugg Boot Army.

I've overheard some very interesting conversations since moving back into a Freshman dorm.  Some funny, some sad and some down right disturbing. For fun I thought I'd transcribe a few for you here.  Enjoy : )

Resident A (Standing in hall knocking on door): Hey its me.
Resident B (In room ignoring resident A): silence
A: Let me in. Its me.
B: Silence
A: Its me. You have to let me in. Come on. Talk to me.
B: No. Go away.
A: Let me in. ITS ME!
B: No I said I don't want to talk about it. You made me feel really sh**** last night.
A: Just let me in.

This is the last of the conversation I heard. I don't know how "me" "you" and "I" worked things out but "me" seemed ready to cooperate.

A common conversation you'll here goes a little like this...
-Hey are you going to dinner? (Dinner being are you eating at the sorority house)
-No. Are you going out?
-Yeah. What are you wearing?
-I don't know what are you wearing?
-Probably something with my leggings and boots.

I'm used to hearing that conversation but heard a pretty funny twist last night:

-Hey are you going out?
-Yeah. What are you wearing?
-I'm not sure yet. I can't decide if I want to dress really cute or really un-cute. What do you think?

Ohhhh so the un-cute look is intentional. Thanks for the insight ladies.

I'll keep the post PG and not go into the convos that virtually set women's equality back 100 years.  I'll be on the look or listen out for other funny comments.  Happy weekend everyone!