Thursday, November 24, 2011

This Semester in Tweets

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a problem. This semester has been much more eventful and full of blog worthy events than last semester. That's not the problem. The problem is I'm taking 15 hours of graduate school, working two jobs and haven't found the time to share them with you. Sorry if that sounded whiny. Not complaining, I did it to myself. Just explaining. This is why I have fallen in love with Twitter. 140 character blurbs is about all I've had time for sharing lately. So I've just decided to go back over the past few months and revisit tweets from some of our more interesting nights. If you follow me on Twitter I apologize for the duplication. If you don't follow me on Twitter what's wrong with you? I jest, enjoy!

Sep 23 "My job satisfaction level could easily be improved with a pellet gun. Of course I'm sure a lot of people could say that."  I'm going to guess this was during one of my 2am-5am shifts...

Sept 27 "At class. Went to the restroom and found a girl on the bathroom floor needing medical attention. RA spidey senses kicked in. #alwaysoncall"

Sep 29 "Watching this week's extra creepy Criminal Minds while working the desk. I wonder what the girls are thinking as they walk by..." Turnabout is fair play. Sometimes they scare me. Sometimes I scare them.

Sep 30 " Drunk girl who can't walk or much less stand upright is involuntarily doing the Bernie as her friend leads her by the hand." In case you're unfamiliar with the Bernie. She looked most like the guy in the purple

Sep 30 "So I thought the girl hanging out at the desk was smelling extra funky but turns out there were old jalapeƱos in the trash can. Yuck!" You can't blame me for jumping to that conclusion.

Oct 1 "Watching the game with 2 girls I've never met. Both from out of state. Thus starts their real education." I was on call so I had to watch the game in Tut. Let's just say they found my game watching superstitions slightly ridiculous.

Oct 2 "On Criminal Minds psychopaths kill you. In grad school psychopathology reports kill you." This doesn't have anything to do with Tutwiler. Just further evidence of my obsession with Criminal Minds and stress level this semester.

Oct 2 "Awkward moment where I almost made someone's mom check in bc she looked like a man..." And yes, she did realize what I was assuming and then later thanked me for being diligent about my job of keeping her daughter safe. Sorry, but if you're rocking a Peter Pan haircut, men's cut polo, jorts, and I can't see your face I've got to go with my gut.

 Oct 9 "Pulled a girl's key card to do a lock out. Her emergency contact is listed as her "unkle". Hooray for high standards UA." Yeah, I hate to say anything negative about my lovely school but c'mon. I guess its true what they say, text talk and spell check are ruining this generation.

 Oct 9 "One little burnt cup of mac n cheese evacuates the entire building. Microwave safe containers only por favor!" This woke me up from an amazing Sunday afternoon nap. That wasn't cool.

Oct 10 "Emailing my boss abt the pee situation from Sat. Subject: "Situation in Rm ###: Is it okay to pee in the bed? Just Depends" Couldn't resist" If you missed the post about this lovely situation you can find it here:

Oct 12 "Just when I lose hope for these girls the right resident comes along and brightens my day. I love it when they prove me wrong!" GLIMMER OF HOPE!

Oct 13 "To make room for a futon, 2 of my girls have pushed their beds side by side. Anyone want to make a bet on how long this lasts?" And yes, this is actually still the way their room is situated. I never thought it would last.

Oct 17 "The bigs have been decorating their littles' doors. My hall looks like the girls drank too much and threw up glitter, streamers & balloons." Every time this happens it looks like Ke$ha exploded on my hall.

Oct 20 "Thinking about doing my late shift tonight in my gorilla costume. Thoughts?" Okay, disclaimer: I didn't actually work in the costume but I did come downstairs in it and I did get to scare a few of the more inebriated girls. Worth it.

Oct 24 " Had a wallet turned into the lost and found with 5 different licenses in it. Surprise, she's only under 21 on 1 of them."

Oct 24 "Children will be trick or treating on sorority row tonight. I don't think they realize what kind of tricks or treats they're in for."

Oct 25 "You know the girls are starting to recognize you as an RA when you get on the elevator and all conversations stop :)"

Oct 28 "Walked through Tut barefoot.Should I try and clean my feet or just go ahead and chop them off to prevent any further contamination?" Update: my feet are fine. I had legitimate reason to worry though.

Oct 28 "Pretty sure the girl that just walked in wasn't wearing any pants..."

Oct 29 "Tutwiler Desk game for this weekend: Everyday outfit or Halloween costume?" This was actually a lot of fun and just as difficult as it sounds.

Nov 1 " "Is that girl even wearing clothes?" Yep. It's Halloween at Tut!"

Nov 4 "If the state of Tutwiler tonight is any indication of how this weekend is going to go, God bless us everyone." LSU weekend. Enough said.

Nov 5 "Just the laugh I needed after that game--A girl just asked me to help sneak in her boyfriend. Sorry, I work here. But Roll Tide & good luck."

Nov 10 "Ha! Tweets I hate to see when I'm on call >>"@SlutwilerProbz: Just puked up a whole lot of taco casa with a little bit of dignity" If only I realized what that night had in store...

Nov 10 "Didn't believe what they said about full moons until I was on call during one. It definitely does something" If I ever have a job again with an on call schedule I'm going to compare it to the lunar schedule and make changes accordingly. Definitely one of my least favorite nights thus far.

A string of updates from Nov 11th. Obviously an 2am shift on Friday. Which would be the end of a Thirsty Thursday...

"The lovely ladies of Tut are looking an extra hot mess tonight. And the guys are trying extra hard to get upstairs. Sorry man, cant help you"
"And one of the frat boys just started singing "There she goes"."

"So tempting to tell the drunk girls carrying Hungry Howies that there's a pizza tax to get upstairs."

"Girl with a gaping head wound was just escorted in by the police. Thirsty Thursday is getting ugly."

"Guys underwear over her leggings? Add a belt on her head and we've got Quail Man living in the building. #90sCartoons"
Nov 15  "Tonight was a waste of an outfit." No sweetie, that outfit was a waste of material. Also, its Monday night. What did you expect?"

 Nov 15 "Please don't use this elevator. One of your peers peed in it. Classic." 

Nov 15 "Making a girl pour out half a bottle of Grey Goose. That's what we call a valuable lesson."

Nov 17  "Girl just walked in wearing a shirt and panty hose. Not leggings. Panty hose. This is so far beyond okay." I know we're all familiar with the horrible trend of substituting leggings for pants but now they're taking it too far. I've actually seen multiple girls wearing panty hose as pants. I could comment further on this topic but I hope we can all just agree this is a disturbing development.

Nov 17 "The bathroom on my hall smells like the house of an animal hoarder. Only 1 more month. Only 1 more month."

Nov 17 "There is a girl with a speech bubble taped to her backside that says "BOOM!" Oh how I wish I made this stuff up. Oh how I wish."

Nov 18  "That awkward moment when a girl in the lobby is wearing nothing but an American flag."

 Nov 18 "Its only 6:14 pm and we just saw a girl come into Tut barefoot, wearing a cut off white tee & gold panties. That's it."

I believe that's a good ending note. Sorry I haven't had the time to share any of these events in more detail but I hope you've at least gotten a good laugh. You can follow my on Twitter @MollyKlovesUA for more fun Tut Tales for the remainder of the semester but that's only 3 more weeks! YES! ONLY 3 MORE WEEKS! And that my friends is what I'm thankful for this year. Roll Tide!